86.

Is late night now,but I am still awake,recently having insomnia.I can't have a nice sleep,I wonder what's bothering me.Since I know I can't sleep so early,so yeah,went to have a drink with one of my friend just now at Starbucks having hot chocolate :) Can you imagine,the night is so freezzy and cold and you are having hot chocolate?I love the feeling.

Okay,let's jump to the point.

The current me.

Okay,I realized this ever since the first day I am doing it.But I do not understand,why am I still continue being like this.Honestly,I am not happy with the way it is cause I know it's not right,and will hurt the other one,yet I am doing it.I am a bad person.And I know people will label me and rumors around,and that's eventually spoil my reputation.But I have my own reason doing so,I know this sounded like I am selfish.I am sorry.I wonder will this works,will this bring happiness to me and others.I will not do anything beyond the limit *control my actions*

Relationship.

We went out for a drink and have a talk just now,since I got to know he is feeling down and frustrated after he text me few days back.Still,a relationship can screwed things up if either one of us do not want to commit anymore into it.I wonder,what's a relationship means to these people,a game,a trial or maybe to do satisfaction?I really have no idea,I can't judge or say anything about it since myself definitely a failure.Anyway,if you are not ready to take a relationship seriously please do not start it,because it does hurt.

Yes,I am not perfect and you may say I am being hypocrite but listen.I admit at first I took my relationship as a trial,and I realized I was wrong after awhile,end up I really fall for him.I really do take him serious,if not I wouldn't cried so much for him after the break-up.So now you can see how badly I handled my first relationship (oh well,only hell knows how horrible it was :S) and this is the result if you take it as a trial at the beginning.I bet you will feel regret if you are doing or plan to do so,cause I do feel it too now.To me,I will only accept people who I really interested with or I willing to know him better.And he was one of them.So ya,I take my relationship serious,no,or maybe too serious,I am not sure.

After some times,I realized there's only one reason for a person to leave you,he or she do not love you anymore.Simple,easy and straight-to-the-point,doesn't it?Reasons other than this are just plainly excuses and bullshit.Is better for us to think this way,even though heart will be broken and since this is the most hurtful one.Still,sometimes a superfluous excuse is much more way better than nothing.Right?right!

Knowing his problems,suddenly it brings me to my past.I am not feeling good now but I can deal with it,no worries.It reminds me a lot of things and memories,especially the silly promises we had promised on each other.Sometimes,it really make me smile and laugh.But eventually,promises are made to be broken.

Anyway,I hope he will be fine and stay strong for all the time being no matter what's happen at the end.Take good care,my dear friend.

Rihanna ft. Eminem: Love the way you lie part 2.

On the first page of our story,the future seems so bright.

And this thing turned out so evil,I don't know why I'm still surprise.

Even angels have their wicked schemes and you take death to new extremes.

But you'll always be my hero,even though you lost your mind.

.........

p/s: I am currently thinking of you,and I will make sure it will fade away soon.