77.

idon'tgiveadamnanymore! justleavemealone! don'tyouunderstand?! leavemealone! iamfuckingpissedatyou! fuckyou!

*i am sorry to be rude here once again, but i am seriously pissed off!

76. Happy Birthday Mummy ♥

just wanna wish my mummy "Happy Birthday,mum <3"

yeah, on the 24th October!

I know is a bit too late to blog about it, but still I have the heart for my mum,okay..haha =)

my dad drove my whole family to Bukit Tinggi,Pahang to celebrate

had a lot a lot of delicious FOODS!

but I didn't snap any picture, so can't show

let's have a look at some picture that I took that day :)

me and my mummy =]

had beer after meal.

yeah! I know, I look ugly here, but whatever lah..

and this is my elder sis.

don't look alike,right? I also don't know why

really enjoyed myself there with : 

the cold cold surrounding

the nice nice food

and my mum!

and ya, I bought my mum present.

is a bag! 

again, me and my mum

loveyou,mum!

don't know what else to write already.

so will just stop here.

75.

this blog suppose to post yesterday, but have some problem so delay. =(

I wanna shout out loud  " I LOVE THE WAY YOU SCOLDED ME, BITCH "

Babe, you really wake me up from my dream. ILY,babe!

And yeah, I will tell him the truth a.s.a.p, when there is a right time, right moment cause keeping to myself the feeling is like SHIT! and I don't like to hide the little stupid secret for so long.

so babe,you know bitch means ILOVEYOU! =PP

Can you tell me how ridiculous I was yesterday?I wonder why did I did that to myself just for a stupid thing.

and that's actually non of my business.

haha

sometimes, being silly is good, because after that you will think 

"why do you need to waste your time doing it?"

" do it worth it? "

and that's how you grow up and think like an mature lady. =)

today was great, tomorrow is another one!

move it up!

throw him away, far far away from my mind!

NO MORE YOU! =]

babe, I can prove it to you.

seriously, I know you are annoyed by me since I started talking about him.

but now, really NO MORE!

I am tired too,actually!

waiting for something that's not gonna happen,what's the point,right?..hahaa

so ya, no more waste my time for it. =)

babe, I really LOVE you! thanks a lot. <3

74.

Alright, has been a week I didn't update my blog.

Reasons, too busy for mid-term exam, need to do last minute study and burn-my midnight oil =( and also nothing to say.

Well, I know I should study before this, so that I wont get so stress-up during exam, but I'm sorry I just can't.

Today is my last day for mid-term! HURAYYYY *clap* :)

After exam, need to do MS assignment. Went to some places and took some pic. (will be upload next time)

come back to this, 

tell me 'how' or 'what' should I feel now?, I had been asking this question to myself thousand times after I saw and got to know it.

making tons of question in my brain, " Is that real? " " How come? " "Why? " "Why that person?"

when people asked me, can I accept it? 

honestly, I can't but I know I have to. so I answered them, yes,I can and I will face the fact.

" Joyee, is already 3 fucking months! "

you know, you can't

you know, it will never happen

you know, it won't work out

you know, it will never be the same

so WHY??

FML!

I don't wanna talk more bout it, cause there is nothing to be change, if what i saw is the fact.

so just screwed it!

and just accept it!

THAT'S what I can do now!

babe, I really need you now, beside me, holding me, supporting me.

I wanna cry, not just because of that but a lot more, I had been keeping these kindda feelings for so long.

I know I am useless. 

I know I always find you for comfort.

I know I am disturbing you.

I know I am annoying and irritating. (sometimes, when you told me not to, yet I am doing it)

and I need my mummy! 

I can't show my sad face and tears to her anymore, 

she supported and gave me tons of advices...

bringing me to shopping, eat, walk around to make me feel better.

iloveyou,mum.

but now, I don't think is the right time for me to tell you.

cause I think you will be mad at me.

73.

Another day has past. Life in college for this week, was kindda FUN!
Skipped Malaysian Studies today, her class was too boring ( sorry, I know I should not talk like this ) but I can't stand any longer during the lesson.
Helped out with Amy and Christy so called "stall"..their business run quiet well =)

Alright, stop with college go to my life.

Well, I had listed down all the things that I want to buy!

• Purse
• Bag ( don't care much whether is a college bag or a going-out bag )
• Bikini =) -cousin will be coming back on Nov, they wanna go Sunway Lagoon-
• Prom dress ( max RM 400 )
• Prom purse ( max RM 120 )
• Heels ( max RM 200)
• Keys Purse 
• iPhone 4 or Blackberry 

Hopefully, I can get all of them by end of the year. Really need to work during the sem break to earn more money. Yes, money is very important.  Hmm..about buying a new phone, it is just a "maybe" , but I wish I have enough of cash to get one :) And ya you see, going to prom, I need to prepared at least RM700. omfg! But I guess my mum will help me to pay half of it *pray*

And now, I need to off and go study!
Malaysian Studies Quiz 1 is tomorrow.
Mid-term starting on this Saturday.
So ya, I have to force myself to STUDY!

72.

還是原來那個我 不過流掉幾公升淚所以變瘦

Hai shi yuan lai na ge wo bu guo liu diao ji gong sheng lei suo yi bian shou

It’s still the same me, just that I’ve lost weight after shedding a few litres of tears

對著鏡子我承諾 遲早我會還這張臉一堆笑容

Dui zhe jing zi wo cheng nuo ci zao wo hui huan zhe zhang lian yi dui xiao rong
Facing the mirror, I promise myself, eventually I'll switch a face full of smiles 

不算什麼 愛錯就愛錯

Bu suan shen me ai cuo jiu ai cuo
It’s no big deal to loving the wrong person,is just loving the wrong person 

早點認錯 早一點解脫

Zao dian ren cuo zao yi dian jie tuo
Confessing that I'm wrong sooner, the sooner I'll be able to let it all go

我寂寞寂寞就好 這時候誰都別來安慰擁抱

Wo ji mo ji mo jiu hao zhe shi hou shei dou bie lai an wei yong bao
I'm lonely,and being lonely is fine, at this time don’t think of comforting or embracing me

就讓我一個人去痛到受不了 想到快瘋掉

Jiu rang wo yi ge ren qu tong dao shou bu liao xiang dao kuai feng diao
Just let me, bear the unbearable pain myself, almost crazy just thinking about it
死不了就還好
Si bu liao jiu hai hao
If I can’t die from this, then it’s alright

我寂寞寂寞就好 你真的不用來我回憶裡微笑

Wo ji mo ji mo jiu hao ni zhen de bu yong lai wo hui yi li wei xiao
I'm lonely, being lonely is fine, you really don’t have to come back into my memories and smile

我就不相信我會笨到忘不了 賴著不放掉
Wo jiu bu xiang xin wo hui ben dao wang bu liao lai zhe bu fang diao
I really don't believe that I’m as stupid, to be unable to forget that, holding on and unable to let go

人本來就寂寞的
Ren ben lai jiu ji mo de
Humans were originally supposed to be lonely

借來的都該還掉

 Jie lai de dou gai huan diao
What we've borrowed, we should return
我總會把你戒掉
Wo zong hui ba ni jie diao
I'll be able to get rid of you,eventually

還是原來那個你 是我自己做夢你有改變什麼

Hai shi yuan lai na ge ni shi wo zi ji zuo meng ni you gai bian shen me
You still the original you, It was just me dreaming. What have you changed?

再多的愛也沒用 每個人有每個人的業障因果
Zai duo de ai ye mei yong mei ge ren you mei ge ren de ye zhang yin guo
No matter how much love there is, it's useless. Everyone has the cause and effects in their lives
會有什麼 什麼都沒有
Hui you shen me shen me dou mei you
What would there be? There's nothing
早點看破 才看得見以後
Zao dian kan po cai kan de jian yi hou
Looking through it earlier, you'll be able to see the future

我寂寞寂寞就好 這時候誰都別來安慰擁抱
Wo ji mo ji mo jiu hao zhe shi hou shei dou bie lai an wei yong bao
I'm lonely,and being lonely is fine, at this time don’t think of comforting or embracing me
就讓我一個人去痛到受不了 想到快瘋掉
Jiu rang wo yi ge ren qu tong dao shou bu liao xiang dao kuai feng diao
Just let me, bear the unbearable pain myself, almost crazy just thinking about it
死不了就還好
Si bu liao jiu hai hao
If I can’t die from this, then it’s alright


我寂寞寂寞就好 你真的不用來我回憶裡微笑
Wo ji mo ji mo jiu hao ni zhen de bu yong lai wo hui yi li wei xiao
I'm lonely, being lonely is fine, you really don’t have to come back into my memories and smile
我就不相信我會笨到忘不了 賴著不放掉
Wo jiu bu xiang xin wo hui ben dao wang bu liao lai zhe bu fang diao
I really don't believe that I’m as stupid, to be unable to forget that, holding on and unable to let go
人本來就寂寞的 我總會把你戒掉
Ren ben lai jiu ji mo de wo zong hui ba ni jie diao
Humans were originally supposed to be lonely
我總會把你戒掉
Wo zong hui ba ni jie diao
I'll be able to get rid of you,eventually

I super duper LOVE ♥ this song.

Knowing the meaning, I feel every girls will experience it, including me. =)

But eventually, we girls will get rid of the pain.

Today, got 3 of my friends asking me, who is the leng zai i meant in my blog.

hahaaa..and i answered them :

"I don't know his name, I didn't talk to him before, just...heheee"

nd the next thing they said was, "Oh! I thought the leng zai you mention is Nicholas"

=.="

So zadou!!...WHY HIM?? If Cleono and Amanda know this, they surely will laugh like mad! XD

71.

OMG! had been so stress recently. I dislike Sem2! So many things need to be done so fast.

And you know what, next week is my mid-term and Malaysian Studies Quiz 1.

I wonder, how can I manage to handle them all?!

Besides, I am also busy finding dress for the prom night,which is on 12Nov

I know, I should not be so worry about this, but still..

Mummy followed me here and there to find the gown. Went to a lot of bridal shops.

But end up, ShaSha link me a URL, that place can rent/buy prom night dresses.

I think I will go there and have a look.

Heard before, CherryPomPom,Solaris,Mont Kiara? yeah, is there.

Very near to my house, and I can drive there. HAHA

And right, I have replacement class tomorrow until 3.30pm. OMG!

After class, I need to go saloon to do my hair.

TIRED! STRESS!

When I looked myself in the mirror, I can see my panda eyes pop-ing out. =(

I really look OLD. I am serious,know.

And ya, I saw my leng zai so many times yesterday, and he walked passed me.heheee

I blush!

I will find out his name soon.

But right, my friends said he looks 'lala' :(

And I heard people said, when in love, the girl will look pretty!..haha..

No wonder, amy van min look so PRETTY!

70.

Sorry that I didn't continue about my previous post. Don't have time.
Honestly, having conflict with your own friends the feeling is like HELL!
Many misunderstanding I need to solve it quick. I don't want to dilly-delly them.
I wonder where things go wrong?? (if you know what I am talking about)
Trust is very hard to gain back, everybody knows it, and I don't want to loose it from any one of my babes.

Well, today is 5th October, is his birthday,anyway..
I just wishes him in FB..=)
I am wondering "should I or should I not" (only some will understand) but I think will be alright..hahaaaa..
Anyway, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you"

Is late night now, yet I am not sleepy.
Oh ya, this I promise to my dearest friend, I won't try cigarette anymore,even one puff also NO!
I wont do anything stupid or that will harm me just to distress myself. But about drinking to drunk, I can't make a promise but I will try not to do so.
And that night, I really feel touched after I get to know it =)..
As a love from a friend. <3..
Seriously, I don't know it will happened, but I saw it! you guys really treat me well.
Giving me tons of advice and support when ever I need it. I appreciate them lots. ILY!

69.

Sometimes thing just happened without we realizing it. I am serious!
I just do not understand why am I doing like this shit to myself?? I hate it till max! But, yet I am doing this!
I try my best not to make my friends worry about me, cause I feel they too have their own problems to solve. I am just adding them a burden. Especially to Van and Amy, I've told them a lot of my problems, sometimes I feel they will think I am bothering them. But who can I tell to ? I seriously take them as my closest friends.
Amy, sometimes even though I deny or disgree with you, saying things about me, actually after when I think back, you are RIGHT. I should be more mature. And I am improving.
Van, you are AWESOME! yes, I admit sometimes you scolded me I don't feel nice, but your advise to me is really really gooooood! And I know you are tired of advising me about that thing. I am sorry!
Both of you, are always my so called "conselor" ! I trust you,babes!
And Lionel,Denzie and Aaron, you people are good too. But still, girl-to-girl is better somehow =).
-do I sounded bicthy?- LOL


I gotto off here. Will continue later tonight, maybe!