250. What Are We?

What are we? 
What am I to you? A question I keep asking myself, but it always turned out nothing.
I don't know when but it just happened, you mean something to me.
You can probably just swing my mood, up and down, just like that.

Many of them said I was being stupid to make you stay, to hang out with you.
All I did for you, were because I want you. I really do.

What are we?
We went through a lot of things together, don't we?
Do you remember those nights? They keep me awake all the time.
The road trip we went, those drunken nights, where we whispered and kissed much.
Those coffee nights, those shisha nights, where we talked and laughed hard together.
I miss all of these moments with you.

I know, you did such a bad thing to me when I turned 21 that night.
But I can despite all of the mistakes taken, I forgive you, really.
I believe you, I trust you all over again.
Tho, it was something that haunts me, the night that makes me terrified.
Something that hurts me a lot, and that time I felt like it ruin my whole life.

Those messages I repeatedly read, as I just want to feel those feelings back.
I asked, and you answered
"I guess at the moment I sort of felt like that too..."
You admitted, it happened was for that moment, but then you said this,
"I guess it needs more time.."
You bring me to nowhere,  should I give in?

Did I not give all that I am?
Did I not give all that I can?
You said, you like me, but not as a wife. How funny is that?
You repeated this, "You are a pretty girl, and someone out there deserve you more than I do"
I felt flatted when you praise me, but why, why not you? Why not you having me?
And I remember you said, "you will regret".
I admit, it was a big mistake, but I will not regret. Not a bit, because I know I wanted this.

For you,
I can ignore what others look at me.
What will people talk about me, I don't care much on them.
Because I make a decision to want you, I care about you more than others do.

And then, yesterday you told me shit.
Are you giving me hints?
What do you up to?
What do you want from us?

Many told me to keep a distance from you, they do not want to see me feeling like this all the time.
I did write a text on that night, yet something holds me on to not to send the cruel message, because I am afraid I will regret and you will not contact me anymore, I don't want to see this happen. And then it left no chance for us, tho there is just a slim chance for us now, but at least.

Why didn't you text me tonight?
What are you doing out there?
Who are you with now? Are you having fun?
What will you be doing tomorrow?
No doubt, but to club. I am upset to be not beside you.

I am lost and confused.
Your actions are so contrasting from the words you speak.
What should I do? Should I wait for the time? The time for us.
All I know now is, I really like you... maybe a little a lot.

Will you like me back at how much I like you or more?